The other day on the phone, my ex (who is currently residing in rehab for a myriad of substance abuse problems) asked me if I was drinking a lot these days. I lied. Then it hit me...was I lying to him or was I lying to myself?
I feel as though I am living in a subculture of functional alcoholics. With very few exceptions, we all drink too much. Drinking has become such a normal part of everyday life that we don’t even realize anymore that this is NOT normal everyday life. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. What is it that makes us all drink so much, why has it become so important to us and at what point does it become not acceptable anymore?
This dirty little secret that we all share is not just confined to my group of friends. No, it’s an addiction that we share with an entire group of likeminded, upwardly mobile, left leaning, music loving, hockey watching, financially comfortable, fun loving and style conscious individuals. We are a generation of young adults who are caught in a routine of working and drinking, and not much else. Is anyone else dying of boredom?
Our intentions are always good. We’ll set out to play poker, play baseball, go camping, have a good talk, go to the beach, whatever. All of these are activities that should be able to stand on their own two legs, all really fun things to do. But then, every single time, without fail comes the inevitable question: “So what’re you drinkin’?” As if it’s an official rule of Texas Holdem, YOU MUST BRING BEER. You cannot raise the blinds without first being half in the bag. And then, after the activity has taken place, we all go out and celebrate its successful completion with a few rounds of beer. Does anyone else see the redundancy in this?
Nothing means anything anymore. It doesn’t matter what the event or activity might be when really it’s just a thinly masked excuse to get together and drink. It all just becomes meaningless. We are not moving forward, not furthering ourselves on this planet, not becoming better or smarter or happier. The alcohol has dulled our expectations of life and made us content with simply maintaining our existences. Life is now filled with meaningless chatter, promises that are only made to be forgotten, and that special morning feeling of guilt mixed with headache and an empty wallet with nothing to show for it.
I am not trying to preach, I am as guilty as anyone else…sometimes even worse. I’ve thrown a stink eye in the direction of someone who turned down a beer. I’ve probably even goaded someone into staying out way later than was advisable and I’ve definitely called a man who was trying to get home to his woman “whipped,” which is the surest way to get him to stay. We are all instigators, we are all enablers, we are all addicts. We each have our subtle (and not so subtle) manipulative ways of ensuring that we all remain on this sinking ship together, all of us going down.
Take a good look at how much you drink. Now take an honest look at how much you drink. How much money do you spend on a weekly basis to “rent” your beer? Really think about it. Do you lie to yourself or others about how much you’ve been drinking? Have you ever woken up and thought “I will NEVER do that again” and then done it again? Have you ever called in “sick” with a hangover? Have you wondered why, at age 30, you still get zits? Perhaps your clothes aren’t fitting properly and you’ve had to “upgrade”? So remind me again…..what’s so damn good about drinking that makes us do it all the time? Are we really such insecure, unimaginative, two dimensional people that we need alcohol to be fun? Are our lives so stressful and constantly miserable that we need the booze to calm ourselves and relieve the pressures? Please tell me what it is because I have forgotten why this is supposed to be fun.
I think that we could all stand to learn a lesson from my ex who is very hard at work, and for the first time, learning to be honest with himself. Let’s all be honest with ourselves and ask “What do I want out of life?”
Okay……now put the pint glass down and go get it.
(NOTE: Try filling out this questionnaire and see how you do. Mine was downright SCARY.)
1 comment:
As a person who drinks relatively little compared to some of her awesome and fantastic friends, I'd like to add my perspective and express something for which I don't feel I often have a forum. (Thank you for opening this one.) I filled out the CAMH survey and found that, as I suspected, alcohol has an extremely low risk of negatively affecting my life. The strange thing for me was when I got to the question that asked: "In the past year, was there ever a time that you felt your alcohol use had a harmful effect on your friendships or social life?" I had to answer "no", because I knew that the question was talking about harm caused by excessive drinking. However, my initial gut reaction was to answer "yes", because many times I've felt a silent distance sprawl out between me and my friends whenever I said, "Cranberry and soda, please." I've felt like the people I so wanted to hang out with and grow close to didn't know how to relate to me if I wasn't drinking and vice versa. Sometimes I even wondered if they felt threatened by my lack of desire for another drink, as though somehow I was trying to show myself off as superior or was being judgmental because I didn't drink too much, and this couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is that sometimes my body just won't swallow anymore and I have a deep fear of either not functioning at work after drinking on a "school night" and of suffering from post-drinking depression. I feel as though this dilemma has been improving over the last little while, and maybe I can attribute that to two things: my friends are becoming more understanding and I'm gaining more confidence in my drinking decisions. I don't have any clear conclusion about this, but it's nice to express myself. So yes, sometimes I do feel like my alcohol use has had a harmful effect on my friendships and social life - sometimes I've felt like I just don't fit in.
(sending my love out to the Nova Mama! xo)
Post a Comment