So anyone can have a blog and say basically anything they want.....That's the easy part. How do you know if anyone will actually read it? And if they do, will they actually give a shit?
So I've decided to write this blog for ME.....because I'm sure that I will read it and am also sure that I will give a shit.
So what aspect of me do I focus on? This is hard. At first I thought I'd write mostly about how hard it is to be a young, fun, single mom in a big city......but I am so much more than that. To designate myself as "a mom" would completely negate all of the other interesting parts that make up the whole of who I am. My daughter may RUN my life, but she certainly is not my ENTIRE life. I can hear it now mothers accross the continent saying "What?! You selfish bitch, your daughter should be your life and if she's not then you must be a bad mom!" Okay fine, but these are the wives whose husbands are "staying late at the office" most nights. These are the women who have lost their sense of self, who put everyone's happiness before their own and then cry themselves to sleep at night because no one care about how THEY feel. I know this because I was once one of those miserable saps who felt trapped in every aspect of life and so I focussed all of my energy on my daughter while my own self went to shit.......and I'm only 29.
So what happened? It was New Years of 2005. I had taken my daughter (9 months old) to Floriday to visit my parents for a week and left the good for nothin hubby at home to party it up in style with his drug-addicted, degenerate friends. The thought of spending a week without him was scary and awful even though he barely knew that I existed anymore, since the arrival of "our" (my) baby. A few days in Florida and I was so homesick, like withdrawal from a drug that you knew was eventually going to kill you but you would sell your house to have. I hit a wall, a breaking point where I knew that if I didn't grow some balls, gain some self worth and start putting myself first again, as I had done in my happiest times, that I would eventually end up spiritually dead, actually dead, or even worse--morbidly obese, agoraphobic and depressed like those whale-people you see sometimes on Maury Povich.
Anyway.......on my return from Florida I planned my escape. Before telling my husband anything that I had planned, I got myself on welfare, secured a place to live and even had friends lined up to move my stuff. Then I dropped the BOMB. Boy was he shocked (SHOCKED!). And without much further ado, I was gone. Moved onwards and upwards into my new and improved life and love and career and self esteem.
The whole point of this is: How can you teach your daughter to become a strong, successful and independent woman if you don't lead by example. I can show her to put herself first in this life only if I put myself first.
So this is MY blog. For ME, by ME and all about the things that interest ME. I am a mother, but before that, I am MYSELF.
